


Butterflies and Owls

by HerbertBest



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Arguements, Avoidance of Pregnancy, Childbirth, Cooking, Developing Relationship, First Time, Humor, Jealousy, Learning How to Share, Multi, Nervousness, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Polyfidelity, Public Sex, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Sexting, Sexual Content, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 22:48:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12804036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/pseuds/HerbertBest
Summary: A series of events within the Plausible Deniability universe, as seen from Suzy's point of view.





	Butterflies and Owls

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheseusInTheMaze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/gifts).



> As stated in the description above, this is part of the Plausible Deniability universe! Please check out Theseus' [collection](http://archiveofourown.org/series/845157) to read the bulk of the stories. 
> 
> This fic retells portions of Theseus' fics Lipstick and Fireflies, Bassline like a Migraine, Wren and Fireflies and Road Shenanigans from Suzy's point of view. Due to this, the story uses small chunks of Theseus' dialogue looped throughout the narrative. I am using this dialogue via their permission.
> 
> Thank you to Angel and Skyhillian/Caitlin for beta!

“Relationships are like seasons.” 

Suzy’s observation was sudden, and came from a comfortable place against Arin’s chest. The idea popped into her head out of nowhere, and she had no idea why it was coming up now, but it felt like a real emotion. “Relationships are like seasons – they evolve.”

Arin raised an eyebrow and peers down at her. “So you want to winterize me like a tree?”

She groaned, and squeezed him. Suzy has known her husband for so long that his sarcasm is as familiar as the rising sun. “No, I mean that it’s aging like, sweetly. Nicely.”

“Hmm,” He kissed the top of her head, and gently shuffled her onto her back. His sweaty hand gently untangled her perfumed hair, and he looked down at her in that confused but knowing way that only Arin possessed. “So I’m guessing some other relationship is…evolving?”

Suzy promptly did something she never does - she blushed. “Oh…well…” She shuffles her shoulders, to better lie herself comfortably out beneath him. “Actually…this is kind of about Holly,” she admits.

“Hmmm,” he says. It’s a leading sound. Curious, interested. “Are you having like…feelings for her?”

“Um…” she made a nervous sound. It’s hard to explain, all of it. She’d always been with Arin; always been his girl, always his wife. Her sole experiences with sex and love outside of their relationship had been abusive. Having thoughts about another person besides him in this sort of context felt wrong, almost sacrilegious. But they existed. They bubbled at the back of her head, behind her eyes. Deep inside of her, where he cannot even touch her.

Arin automatically pulled away from her, his hands gesturing in the middle of the air, trying to draw “Babe, you’re jealous. This whole weird new thing with Holly and Dan is making everything super weird at the office. I mean, they’re really in love and it’s kind of weird but…”

“I think I might be bi.”

There it was – out on the table, in a way he can’t avoid. Arin blinks down at her. He looks so completely confused that she wonders if somehow she’s turned into another person; grown an extra head, extra fingers.

“Okay…” he says quietly. “And you want permission to be with Holly, if she wants you?”

“I don’t need your permission,” she blurted. His eyes got sad, and years of history bob to life between them, rearing its head dramatically. “But I’d like it.”

She pressed his head close to her breast; nearly in a headlock. She was afraid he was going to wash away on some level, flotsam on the sea of her selfishness. “Okay,” he mumbled. “But…just for Holly, okay?”

She pinnded him close to her heart and let out a low, deep sigh. The contrition she felt was minuscule beside the hope of promise. 

Arin would always be there. This marriage wass as firm as a rock. 

He’s get over it. 

 

*** 

She read a lot of articles in the next week. A lot of journals about the poly lifestyle, gets a lot of advice. She got the ground rules set up in her head, and then approached Holly. She had questions, and Holly answers them almost shyly. 

That was her in. That was a hint as to what she could do, and when. And how. 

She smiled to herself, a tiny old note of a predatory animal in her look. She loves being loved – needs it.

And when Holly finally loved her, wanted her, things were going to be so much better.

 

*** 

Three months.

She flirted with Holly for three freakin’ _months_ , and made absolutely no progress. They cuddled, they laughed, they held hands, but Holly made no overtures back. 

They had lunch. And Holly’s face opened up like a flower in the summer afternoon when they spend time together.

Something In Suzy’s heart was opening too, blooming like a flower, bright and shining black and blue like her soul’s core. 

“What am I doing wrong?” she asked Arin.

He shrugged and leaned against the kitchen counter. “Maybe you need to show her some boob?”

“You’re so gross,” she complained, and kisses his fuzzy chin.

But she does it. She showed Holly some boob. And her general reaction amounts to ‘cute bra! Where can I get one?” It’s humiliating. She deleted all of the bra-heavy selfies from her phone and continued to trudge along through the winter and fall months, her usual favorites. Suzy’s anxiety about the whole situation built up and up and up, until it registered to Holly as nothing so much as glacial coldness. She found herself looking at Dan with more and more envy, burning up of it, a brush fire of anger and desire. 

When Holly asked her out to lunch again and behaves obliviously, Suzy exploded in a tear-filled tantrum in front of Holly. 

It cleared the air but it leaves them in limbo. 

Suzy came home and cried in Arin’s arms that afternoon. “Why doesn’t she like me?” she asked him, cats circling her ankles like starving sharks, her husband’s comforting arms wrapped around her.

“She probably does. Like, who wouldn’t want you? You’re gorgeous?”

“You’re prejudiced,” she sniffled. 

“Not true. I haven’t made a joke about Sad Hoshi in like, years.”

She groans. He keeps kissing the top of her head, until a smile brightens her whole face up in a wave of light joy. 

“Why do I put up with you?” she teased.

“Because you looove me,” he pointed out, and pokes the tip of her nose with his long, blunt fingers.

She tilted her head back, nips the tip of his fingers in a gesture of familiar tenderness. The intimacy of the moment was interrupted when her phone buzzed. It’s Holly. 

And she wants to go out on a date.

 

Suzy spent an embarrassing amount of time primping for that night. Combing her hair, fixing her teeth, trying to align her hem and straighten out her stockings. She wants to get everything just right, to look just perfect, and finds herself trying outfit after outfit out for Arin as he leans against the dresser.

“You know you look perfect, right?” 

She glanced up at his lovely, fond comment. It’s nice, and appreciated, but not really the time. “My bra’s totally crooked and I think I have lipstick on my teeth.”

Arin rolled his eyes. “You’re fucking gorgeous and Holly won’t even notice, she’ll be so nervous.”

“Are you fucking kidding? She’s totally in makeup and props too. She’ll see if I fuck up my makeup or my pantyhose are all runny.

“Right.” The door rang and Suzy’s corrections became even more frantic. “I’ll go get that,” he said. Then, two minutes later, she heard him yell, “Suzy! Your date’s here!”

Her heart took a flying leap into her stomach before she gave herself one more once-over. She did look good. More than good. God, she only hoped Holly liked how much she looked just as much.

When she descended the stairs, she could see it from the case; Holly’s eyes going wide as saucers, taking her in. Suzy wanted to spin – she wanted to laugh and flash her sharp little teeth. But she also didn’t want to scare Holly.

Scaring Holly when she was so nervous herself was the last thing she wanted to do.

*** 

They relaxed during dinner. At least until Suzy took a bite of that chocolate cake and her brains and her body melted into a gooey pile of oh-my-god-that’s-so-fucking-good. She didn’t know she’d made a noise until Holly in turn made a surprised, strangled sound of arousal. Suzy blinked at Holly in total surprise when she saw the look on her face. 

Then they got serious. And quickly enough the realized it wasn’t going to be a one-off thing. There would be more dates. More of _them_ , if the rest of the night went well.

She got them coffee – which was like the most cliché thing she had ever heard of oh my God how was Holly still there – and came back in to hear her fondly scolding Mimi, complaining about her lack of socialization. 

This is why Suzy wanted to get a third cat, but that was a different subject, one that didn’t have anything to do with the situation at hand. It didn’t have to do with Holly kissing her shyly, tentatively, and with her hands finding Holly’s breasts and Holly’s hands kneading hers through her bra, and their tongues were touching – her makeup smearing all over Holly’s pinched, sensual face, and Holly’s hips were stuttering. 

And then Arin was in the room, and she was trying to yank her bodice back up.

Everything was awkward afterward. Holly excused herself, blushing, and Suzy escorted her back to the car with a kiss. Then she was alone and annoyed in her husband’s presence. Arin had conveniently fled to the bedroom, but she wasn’t about to let him get away with his ridiculousness. 

Then again, when had she ever?

She was a veritable storm as she burst into their bedroom, hands tucked upon her hips. “Arin, you owe me. You owe me so hardcore.” 

Arin had been resting on the bed, idly flicking the television between channels at her statement. “Why? Weren’t you both done?” Her jaw dropped.

“You know we weren’t done!” she yelled, and picked up one of the many decorative pillows that dotted the room to cream him in the face.

“Did I clitblock you?” She threw a pillow. “Ow. So the answer is yes, I totally clitblocked you…” He looked almost happy about it, which earned him another pillow, this time to the butt. “I’m sorry, babe! I thought you were cleaning up.”

The jealous tone of voice he was using could be dealt with tomorrow. “Well, you did, and now I’m all frustrated.”

He wiggled his eyebrows and pulled up the blanket. “Wanna get a whole lot less frustrated?”

She groaned, glanced at his lap. She launched one more pillow at him, without a lot of force behind it. “I don’t believe that gave you a boner.”

“You were getting your boobs squeezed by a hot woman. I totally have boner privileges in situations like that.”

“Arin, shut up and get your mouth on my pussy.”

He grinned, pulled his teeshirt up over his head and wrapping his big hands around her thighs. “Okay, Suz. Come sit on my face and make me fuckin’ feel it.”

Suzy was too turned on to complain about his choice of words at this point. Straddling his head, she lowered her pussy to his mouth, meeting with an eager, licking tongue and a hungry mouth. Arin knew what he was doing – always knew – when it came to her pussy. She could ride his face with both eyes closed and her hands tucked into his hair – he’d get her there, reliably, faithfully. That didn’t mean that their routine was boring. Just practiced, familiar. Lived-in. 

No wonder she’d attacked Holly like a starving woman. She’d not had anything resembling variety since she was a horny, unpracticed teenager.

But sometimes pure love – the love of one person – that was enough to shine through and bring her back to life. Suzy smeared Arin’s whole face with her cream, crying out, not even bothering to pull her bra off or take off her dress. She rocked and rocked frantically against his touch and bit her bottom lip hard, jerking against the warm hold of his hand, the gentle grip that would always anchor her firmly to the earth, even when things were hard, frightening or incomprehensible to her. Arin was her rock, the man who knew how to love her, the center of her universe. 

And yet when she came she thought of Holly’s clear green eyes, her seafoam hair and the toned, tight curve of her stomach. Her hand squeezed and kneaded at the hem of Arin’s shorts, moaning and riding, moaning and grinding, until her knees collapsed and she tumbled forward, pillowing her head on his groin.

She came awake to the sound of Arin’s frantic voice. “Babe?” he worried.

“Soon,” she whispered, and patted his cock, which had gone limp sometime during her whopper of an orgasm. 

“Why are you talking to my dick?” Arin asked. Again, he sounded almost too frantic, almost too concerned for her. She wanted to tell him that she’d be fine but she was exhausted, the wind leaking out of her as if she were an unfettered, unguarded balloon. 

“I’m okay. I just kind of came super hard.” 

“Oh,” Arin said. Then he sounded proud. “C’mon up here, let me help you get undressed.”

“Aww, babe,” she muttered, and limply sat up. Arin’s hands found her zipper, and her dress rasped its way down her shoulders. “I didn’t know you cared,” she said dryly.

“What gave it away?” Arin asked. “The way I ate you out or the way I held you after?”

“Both,” she said. And everything in Suzy’s gut was suddenly calm and cool. They were going to be fine. This expansion of the marriage wasn’t a risk to their togetherness. It was just making their lives bigger, more accepting.

Open. 

As she smeared Arin’s wet, sweaty face with the last of her plum lipstick, her grin was Cheshire-sweet.

 

**** 

Two days later, she found herself alone as Arin occupied himself with sketching something for a new commercial. Texting Holly on a whim ended with her flashing the woman with a bra shot. And the part of her that was totally confident and felt like a total, cool hot badass for doing so was loud and out and proud. The websites and books and papers all told her she’d feel this way – that she was properly dividing her attention without jealousy. She kissed Arin when he came to bed and wrapped herself around the beautiful, life-giving warmth he provided.

But as she moved through the day she lived for Friday, for walking up to Holly’s house in her dramatic oufit and a mouth filled with lipstick, her teeth flashing.

Holly was nervous – visibly so, almost sweating, as if she’d never arranged to have a sex date. Suzy wondered for a minute if Holly ever really had one; the conversations they’d had over the years, above love and life and sex, had never revolved around the never-have-I-evers of her sex life with Ross. Suzy tried to picture the two of them together- Ross’ handsome but almost innocent, jug-eared appearance clashing with some sort of deep passion. His orgasm face flickered through her mind and she sucked back a giggle. Then she didn’t have room to think about Ross at all, because Holly was talking about Dan again, talking about how he’d taught her to eat pussy, and Suzy had no idea how she felt about it, but she repressed all the little negative worries. She knew that expressing jealousy of your partner’s other partners was wrong, against the rules. She put it aside. Their relationship would be adorable, if it weren’t so enrapturing to Holly.

And suddenly the mood shifted, and Holly charged toward her, to change the temperature of the room, to get rid of her own embarrassment. Then they were making out, and it was all heat and warmth, Holly sweet as an orange on the tip of Suzy’s tongue, her soft arms wrapped around her. It was less overwhelming than making out with Arin somehow; softer, sweeter. It turned to passion more quickly, and she found herself being backed toward the bedroom…

“Um. We’re going into the guest room.”

And Suzy felt like a second-class citizen. A spy in Ross and Holly’s home. Whether it had something to do with how they’d set up their relationship (she knew Ross had to be doing something with Morgan besides eating pot brownies and giggling at anime and eating vegetarian casseroles) or something to do with the cleanliness of the main bedroom, she felt weirdly rejected. She was trying so hard to do it right, and all Holly had to do to cast her out of her sensual mood was suggest that this wasn’t what she wanted.

But then they were in the guest room. “Iwanttoeatyouout,” Holly burst forth in the middle of the darkened gloom of the place, distracting Suzy thoroughly enough to make her blink in utter confusion.

That was why they were here, but somehow Suzy came forth with something that sounded seductive at first blush. Holly was turning on the light, and Suzy was sprawling on the mattress. “Do you now?” she said. Purred. She was trying to purr, damn it. 

But Holly was looking at her and she was going to eat her out, and the dress was coming off. And she was fucking soaked, dripping through her panties, hot and pliant and needy and ready to be touched. 

“Can I touch you?” Holly asked, her hands squeezing Suzy’s breasts, making her writhe. Kissing her lips, kissing her neck.

Suzy warned her about how wet she got. Warned her that she might be unappealing somehow, in some way.

“I get a little…leaky,” she said, then immediately regretted her choice of words. ‘Leaky’ wasn’t a sexy term under any circumstances. But that didn’t’ seem to bother Holly at all. In fact, she looked intrigued, aroused. Suzy felt like she was burning. Lipstick must have been smeared across every inch of her bright red skin.

And then Holly was stroking the crotch of her panties, and the idea burst forth from her mouth before she knew what she was saying – that her fingers were tiny, compared to what she was used to.

Compared, honestly, to Arin’s thicker, brawnier grip. Holly seemed abashed. Suzy was instantly apologetic.

“It’s neat,” she said like a dork. 

When Holly confirmed that Dan had said something similar the first time she pegged him, Suzy promised herself she’d do anything to drag that man out of the forefront of Holly’s mind. The kisses turned filthy, and her hands found Holly’s head. Suzy’s hands were all over the place, and then Holly’s hands were hovering and then they were stroking her thighs, experimentally over her panties again. And Suzy needed so much more, so she suggested Holly take her underwear off. 

Cue clear panic in Holly’s eyes. Suzy understood; it wasn’t as if she had actual experience with this either. 

“I’ll make a mistake, y’know,” she admitted, and flushed. 

“I won’t bite you,” Suzy promised. And they dialed it back down to kissing, though Suzy was flushed and dripping and about ready to rip Holly’s clothing off. But she was also trembling, her heart palpitating. It was fun, and it was funny, and it was the sexiest experience she’d had since she and Arin had made love for the first time.

Time sped along. Clothing disappeared. This time, when Holly touched her, she didn’t stop. And when she tasted her, it was an otherworldly, intense experience.

Holly’s tongue took a tentative brush, and Suzy was gone. A begging, sobbing, keening mess. She begged Holly to push fingers into her, to crook them, to make her come. And she did, hard enough to make her twitch and writhe and pulse deep, deep into herself, sucking on Holly’s fingers until she made a mild sound of distress, and until Suzy flung herself into her lovers’ warm arms, smearing her 

“That must’ve been some peach,” panted Suzy.

“It…” Holly cleared her throat, causing a smile to spark to Suzy’s face. “It was neat,” she said.

They dissolved into laugher, and Suzy straddled Holly’s body, gently tackling her back into the pillows, gently kissing along her neck.

Her adventure down Holly’s body was much smoother. She figured out how to suck her nipples, how to nibble them enough to force those sounds from her throat, to make her beg and plead and sigh like the world had wrapped her in enveloping, earth-quaking sweetness.

“Can I eat your pussy?” Suzy asked.

“Ooh yes!” Holly said, throwing herself up against her face. Suzy kissed instead of licking, marking Holly all over with plum lip prints. It was so different from sucking cock, such a change from Arin’s big heavy, sweaty body and vocalizations; Holly was quiet, seemed almost embarrassed about the noises she made. Suzy lost her place, her confidence – blindly licked, blindly sucked, as Holly’s thighs went tighter and tighter against the sides of her head. Holly’s whole body rolled upward and froze, a gesture of submission and one of ecstasy. Suzy pushed a finger inside, then another, until Holly’s head rolled back and she let out a happy, deeply satisfied groan. Suzy regained her confidence and licked around the firm rise of her clit, lapping and lapping frantically without a particular rhythms until Holly sucked in a deep breath and drew her in tight with her calves. It was a wetter experience than what Suzy had anticipated. Much wetter, and roiling with motion and sensation, but she wouldn’t quit, not for a second, until she felt Holly’s whole body Until a flood of liquid gushed past Suzy’s knuckles and the rapid squeeze and push of her internal muscles collapsed completely. Holly’s nipples were rock-solid, and she let out a series of gasping, overjoyed sobs as the orgasm seized her up and sent her spiraling into a long, fluttering climax.

Suzy sat back and felt, watching. 

 

Wow. She could get addicted to this easily.

 

Holly lunged up at her, pulled her down, kissed every inch of her face. They were both a mess of sweat and come and lipstick. Suzy thought that she must look like a fright but Holly’s expression was nothing less than one hundred percent loving. 

 

“Can we sleep here?” Suzy asked, when they broke apart at last.

 

Holy nodded, and panted. “Ross won’t be home until tomorrow. Do you have to call Arin?”

She shook her head. Maybe she’d text him, after they had another round or two. Maybe she’d call him, when Holly was asleep. But this sweet new intimacy that lay between them was far too precious to break.

****

It was easy to fall into the whirl of it all afterwards, to spend all night texting, flashing Holly some thigh, or sighing over her as she came over to work at Ross’ office. They kissed and licked and stroked one another in every location in the office, in Holly’s car, in Suzy’s house – up against walls and deep in the warm safety of their beds. It was dizzying, lovely sense of energy. It seemed to swallow up everything Suzy felt, everything she was or was hoping to be. Every act she committed was right. Every way she licked or touched or fingered or fucked Holly was right.

In her eyes, Holly was transmogrified. A bird goddess, and angel giving her the best of her attention; benevolent, tender, and kind. Holly must have seen something in her that was as powerful, as beautiful, whenever they were together – was Suzy a dark witch in Holly’s eyes? Suzy had heard the old locker room jokes about women knowing what other women wanted better than a man did, but to her experience it was intense, but…well, different. 

All she wanted was to do it right. To turn Holly on, to keep her pulse racing giddily along and the passing spinning endlessly onward; to kiss her in a closet, in a mall, in the park, in her studio. To eat her pussy in the shower and to finger her in the car. To smell and taste and feel her all around her.

It was like being under a witch’s curse. Suzy found herself dancing through the day – deadlines and hassles that would normally bother or trouble her sang by and left her grinning. Everyone noticed the difference. Even Arin did. And she noticed that his eyes grew increasingly downcast whenever she brought up her dates with Holly, or whenever she waxed poetic about her girlfriend. And she probably brought Holly up too often as it was.

Suzy couldn’t do anything about it. She’d become a minx.

It only took a couple of weeks for her to realize that Dan was shooting her furtive, frustrated glances. 

Even Ross seemed kind of annoyed with her, though he didn’t have the gumption to come up to her and tell her why he was so pissed off. Holly and Dan kept shooting each other lovelorn looks whenever they were together, and they continued to kiss at her desk, by the elevator. Suzy could see the sad puppy look in his eyes whenever she and Holly so much as touched. Time forced Suzy to realize she’d forgotten she wasn’t the only person in this relationship – a cardinal sin that marked their interaction as nightmarishly bad poly, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

If her reaction was to slather on more lipstick and leave big, plum-colored prints all over Holly’s beautiful body, then she thought it was well within her rights as her girlfriend to do so.

*** 

“Let’s go on a date together!” Arin said over brightly, almost desperately, as they closed out their weekly company meeting. 

“A date?” Dan asked very slowly, his brows knitting together behind his glasses. Holly’s smile was somewhat hopeful, but Suzy felt a bright spark of interest. Spending time with Holly was always fun, but it had been a long time since they’d all hung out together, and they hadn’t spent any time together at all post-sexual entanglements. Post whatever kind of thing was going on between Dan and Holly. 

Arin put on his best businessman voice. “Sure! You and me and Holly and Dan on Saturday night - Ross can come too.”

“Fuck no,” Ross said, his eyes glued to his phone. “I’ve got a date myself.”

“Thank you, honey,” Holly said flatly, but he smiled when she kissed his cheek. Suzy’s expression must have been nakedly pleading, because Holly said yes far too chipperly afterwards.

That was how they found themselves sitting in her living room, with palpable tension zinging between the four of them, a painful current chaining them all to the floor. So when Suzy entered the room and kissed Holly hard on the lips, and Dan half-smiled and made some kind of gross joke about them performing for him, she had to zing him back, just a bit.

She could feel his anger, which he never had the courage to express, just boiling around under the surface of his smile. He was making it clearer and clearer that he was displeased by the lipstick situation, and all throughout the night she and Dan kept subtly pushing at each other. He was being so fucking annoying – angry, but refusing to deal with it.

Arin responded by desperately overcompensating. Including asking Dan to kiss him, which he tried to brush off as a joke. She had to stake her claim and she did – in the form of asking Holly if she wanted to go to a gay bar with her. Holly said no. That she had Dan.

It was like being kicked in the gut. All of the sweet intimacy they’d shared – and she’d still picked Dan over her.

“Ugh, I blew it so hard tonight,” Suzy said, when she and Arin were home and alone again, and she could stare at the plain silent sheet of her white ceiling with a cat on her stomach. 

“You didn’t blow anything,” Arin said. His body was still damp from the shower when he curled up at her side, making cosseting sounds in Mimi’s general direction as the cat curled up against his shoulder. “Between the two of us, I’m the one who blew it harder than a horn player.”

“Huh?” Suzy asked. She scratched Mochi’s head as he kneaded her stomach. “You always talk to Dan that way, I’m super sure he couldn’t tell a difference.”

Arin winced. “That’s the problem. I was…kind of being serious.”

She blinked at him. “Uh…” What could she say? She’s always knew Arin was kind of bicurious, but choosing this time to explore the field seemed…almost presumptuous of him. “Good for you?”

Arin’s mouth did something funny – something sour, the same face he always made before throwing up. “Gee. Swell. Nice support there, Suz.”

“I didn’t know you wanted support!” she said quickly. “I thought that you were just fucking around! You always fuck around with Dan like this, how was I supposed to…”

“Can we go to sleep?” he pled. “I really want to go to sleep now.”

“Okay,” she said quietly, and flicked out the lights.

 

***

Things seemed to escalate unpredictably from there, until an afternoon two days later. Suzy had been planning the company’s Christmas party on her laptop in their bedroom when Arin came home from a recording session and threw himself down on the bed with an animated, embarrassed groan. 

“What happened?” she asked.

“I fucking tried to kiss Dan.”

Oh. She didn’t think the claws of jealousy would be this sharp. “How did he react?”

“Like I dumped a cup of coffee in his lap.”

Oh crap. “Oh crap.”

Arin groaned and buried his face in the pillow. “Ughh. I’m going to have to fuckin’ back off because otherwise he’ll freak out but…since you have your Holly thing and I thought…” 

He was trying to express himself, shyly. But Suzy only heard Dan’s name, only encountered a wall of red at the back of her vision. “I know,” she said flatly. “Everyone fucking loves Dan.”

Everything got very quiet. Then, just a hair under his breath, she heard him mumble. “Why do you care?” he snapped. “It’s not like you’ve actually been paying attention to me the past couple of weeks.”

“Ex-fucking-scuse me?” Suzy said.

“Nothing,” Arin said. “Everything’s fuckin’ fine.” He thundered downstairs. “I’m gonna kill the end of the donuts and pretend none of this happened.”

“Arin!” she yelled, but for once her shrieking didn’t bring him back. She knew the storm would blow over – likely when he and Dan managed to get their hands on each other – but at the moment she sat alone and forlorn.

Holly texted that she was getting her tattoo, and would be at the party. Suzy’s heart lifted, almost in spite of itself.

She’d see her soon.

*** 

The party was in full swing when she maneuvered Holly into the closet, giggling the whole while, her hands tangled up in the laces of her dress and her lips smearing lipstick over her collarbone. 

Looking back on the moment, Suzy would think to herself that it was her final attempt at shoving at the envelope – at being daring, at thumbing her nose at Dan. She smeared her mouth all over Holly, then when Dan texted she tried to drag Holly’s mind off of the man through sheer power of her kiss. The result had been the two of them tumbling out of the closet face first and on top of each other, right in front of a startled Dan. He’d noticed the lipstick marks right away, and Holly had immediately left the room to wipe up. She and Dan had plans, and it felt like Dan ALWAYS had plans. Her temper boiled and foamed like sugar.

Dan stood there, awkwardly put out, his hands tucked in his pants pockets. “Sorry I stopped your…thing from happening.”

“I’m sorry,” Suzy said, “I like making out with my girlfriend. When you’re poly that’s what you do with your partners.”

“I’m aware,” Dan said frostily. “I could not be more aware if I tried.”

“You’re jealous,” she laughed. “I knew it. So what you’re saying is you can’t hang with us poly people,” Suzy said. She sounded smug to her own ear, and she knew she’d regret it, but Dan was being so insufferably selfish and smug. 

 

“I’m not jealous! I’m just tired of you shoving your hot and heavy little relationship in my face!”

“Listen, just because you can’t get over your jealousy issues -”

“My jealousy issues?! I’m not the one who has to fucking cover my girlfriend in my special shade of lipstick every time i see her!”

“No, you just give me the stink eye every time you see me!”

“Maybe if you weren’t so fucking possessive in the first place, I wouldn’t feel like every time I’m with her I have to wash off the reminder that you guys are fucking!”

And Suzy knew, deep down, she was being possessive. Understood that she was trying to own Holly, that she was acting the same way she tended to when she was worried Arin might leave her for somebody else. “Maybe you’re just not cut out to be poly!” She was almost taunting him, blatantly flaunting her own insecurity but she couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t keep her tongue still and quiet in her mouth. She was going for broke, hurting him the way he was hurting her, her voice filling and filling with anger and sarcasm and agony that had been hidden in her for weeks.

It wasn’t as if he was going easy on her. “Bullshit,” said Dan. “I was doing fine until you came along.”

That was true – and judging from the way he’d been treating her husband demonstrably so. “It’s not true poly if you -”

“Don’t start on that bullshit,” Dan snapped. “It’s easy for you to go on about how easy it is. You’ve got a husband to go home to!” Dan was actually yelling at this point, and Dan had NEVER yelled in her presence before, and his voice was sharp as a needle, mighty and filled with incredible pain. _“Holly is the love of my life!”_

The revelation made her sputter just a little. “You’re just lonely, you can’t really believe - ”

Dan was actually ranting. “How does she take her tea? Does her smile make your day? Does -”

Arin emerged from his office, anger etched on his face. How long had he been listening to them? She saw Barry on the sofa pretending he’d heard nothing, Brian staring at the Christmas tree. Arin was yelling. “Dude, what the fuck are you doing? You can’t talk to my wife like that!”

“Your wife…forget it man. I’m going home!”

“Dan!” she yelled. But he was gone, leaving her to manage the awkwardness of the scene alone. By then Holly had disappeared too.

Suzy quickly left a voice message for Holly. When she was doing so, Barry came up and asked if he could frankly tell her something.

“Can you guys please keep your romance drama more lowkey?” Barry squirmed. “It’s hard to coexist with the four of you when you’re turning everything into a Lifetime movie.”

“You don’t…”

“I do,” Barry said. “You’re both doing such a crappy job handling your feelings that you made Holly have a panic attack.”

“Holly had a…”

“Yep.”

“Oh no,” she mumbled.

Barry winced sympathetically. “On the plus side,” he said, “it’s not too late to apologize.”

“I hope,” she said. Suzy felt Arin’s big palm caress her shoulder, and fell a step back into him.

*** 

“Baby, I’m so sorry. Barry just talked to me, he told me you were… I’m sorry. Can you call me?” Suzy hung the phone up after Holly neglected to take her call. The party had meandered to an understandable ending, and she and Arin were cleaning as much of the space up as they could, to avoid leaving any extra work for their cleaning woman. “I fucked up so, so badly,” she groaned, mascara blobbing up in the corner of her eye, 

“Not fatally, but yeah, you did.”

Suzy made a sour face and grumbled under her breath as she balled up a bag of potato chips. He hugged her. “She’ll understand. You were kind of excited to be with her and she’ll get it. 

“What if she doesn’t…”

“She’ll love you, Suzy. No woman in her right mind would ever let you go,” he said.

“Even when I’m at my worst?”

“Even then,” he said, and kissed the top of her head.

 

*** 

She didn’t hear back from Holly until the next morning. They arranged to meet in a park and cried together; talked about vocalizing boundaries, talked about vocalizing limits. Started over. Started slowly.

It was a miracle that Suzy absolutely didn’t feel worthy of. Step by step, bit by bit, things calmed down. When she saw Holly’s unicorn tattoo, her stomach didn’t clench in a display of utter panic. When Dan got a pigeon tattoo in return, she wasn’t dogged by the fear that everything would blow up. When Arin and Dan nervously began to approach starting a relationship of their own, she didn’t feel abandoned. It was nice. Almost in spite of herself, she learned to share.

It was a comfortable feeling. The true poly she thought she’d been experiencing felt more real, more true, this way. 

*** 

“So, right now my boyfriend and your husband are probably making out.”

“I know. I hope Arin doesn’t explode from the excitement.” He’d been downright annoying, since Dan’s panic had given way to the possibility of the two of them becoming a thing.

Holly laughed and dunked her hand into the popcorn bucket. They were going to see Thor for the millionth time that week together, and it felt right to be doing it together, cuddled up, alone in the comfort of the dark without having to worry about being spied on by the fanbase. Suzy wasn’t comfortable coming out with their relationship, not yet – it was hard enough for Holly to quell the rumors about her and Dan, when Dan had gotten his tattoo and begun to strongly hint on Grumps about how he’d finally found love with the ‘right girl’. Suzy was actually fairly calm about that. She had a feeling it would happen eventually, when they were both ready for it.

The previews began with a sudden, tinny yelp, and Suzy and Holly huddled down. They’d have a big, beautiful vegan dinner afterwards, and then they’d make out in the car.

Life was pretty sweet.

*** 

“I am going to fuck that man’s mouth.”

Suzy choked on her breakfast smoothie at Arin’s sudden declaration. He’d been lightly texting with Dan on and off all morning; sitting in their sun-flooded kitchen, his phone in his hand, the words were delivered with such abrupt goofiness that she couldn’t really react.

“Does Dan know about that?”

Arin snorted. “Oh yeah. Well, we made out, and somewhere in the middle of all of that tongue action he was kind of sporting some major wood. Last night he was pretty into the kiss so... So he’s totally fucking interested, he just doesn’t know I’m ready to ride his footlong.”

“His footlong?” Suzy squeaked. God, she was used to Arin’s…Arin-ness. Had been for a long time now. But sometimes he could just declare himself in ways that took her totally off balance and left her gasping with laughter. This was one of those times.

“It’s a pretty big fucking deal,” Arin said serenely. “I just have to figure out how big.”

“Shush and eat your eggs,” she said, shaking her head, picking up Oscar and kissing him between the eyes before sitting down and enjoying her own breakfast.

 

*** 

_Suzy! Do you have some advice?_

A few weeks had passed by since Dan and Arin had started making out, and her husband had been dancing around in a daze for weeks. It was kind of cute – truly, honestly – even though Suzy still felt flashes of jealousy on and off. This was just how Dan had likely felt six months ago, when she and Holly had floated their way through the fall on wings of passion and lipstick.

That fall was over – it was firmly summertime, too hot to bear, when Holly texted her. Suzy yawned, cuddled deeper into Arin’s embrace – he was out cold, surrounded by the cats, and lost in his own dreams.

_Sure, what’s up?_

The answer was almost immediate. _Dan just threw up all over Ross’ dick, and I don’t know if it was his gag reflex or if he was freaking out. Is Arin having any weird regrets around you, or is he just sailing through this whole…thing?_

Well, that was a new development. _No complaints from Arin. In fact, he’s been walking on air all week waiting for the next Grump session._

A pause. A buzz. _Huh. Maybe it really was Dan’s gag reflex after all._

Suzy immediately agreed with a thumbs-up emoji. _Let’s just say that the first time I pegged Arin things got a little messy._

A long pause. _Dan’s getting into the shower. I’m gonna go help Ross clean up, and then I’ll come back and text you, okay? We’ve got some costumes to plan!_

Suzy grinned. _You bet!_ She rested the phone on the side table, then snuggled deeper into the sheets.

Soon it would be morning. Soon she’d see Holly again.

*** 

Several days later, Arin all but danced his way out of Grump Space, grinning like a dork, swinging his arms and singing. 

“So I take it operation ‘beej Dan’ was finally a success?”

Arin was grinning. “This is the best day of my life,” he declared. Then, realizing who he was with, lurched forward and kissed her lips with his minty breath. “The second best,” he said. 

She knew he meant it but it was just a little akward. She knew how badly he wanted Dan, how long he’d wanted Dan. To finally get what he’d been yearning for for so many years and have things work out decently must have been an enormous trophy for him. Suzy could relate. That was just how she’d felt when she’d kissed Arin for the first time, when Holly had agreed to go out with her. 

They got some celebratory sushi and took it back home, and battled off the cats as they swallowed it down.

 

*** 

Arin and Dan ended up going on tour four days later, and Suzy found herself on the receiving end of a number of wild updates. Dan rehearsed TWRP on a new song for Holly, and Holly called her up crying when they finally played it live, moved beyond words. Arin texted her that Dan had sucked his dick, and somehow that had spun his world completely off of its axis. He was overjoyed. His life was now a dream.

Suzy hung out with the cats, with Holly, with Ross, and tried to ignore the jealousy prickling away at the back of her mind.

When Arin came home, he was the same Arin, blustery, sweet-smelling, ridiculous, and happy. She didn’t ask him why he was so happy.

She knew.

*** 

Things settled comfortably into a routine. She and Holly made out in closets; she and Arin had sushi nights. When they weren’t together, they texted sparingly, and Suzy felt so comfortable, and so confident, that she actually started poking around for another girlfriend.

It didn’t hurt to spread the love around anymore. And besides, Arin insisted on talking about Dan nonstop so frequently and at such length she decided that she completely and totally deserved another cool, awesome, hot girl for those nights where Holly and Arin were busy or wanted their privacy. There was an awesome girl with a flair to her that Suzy found interesting; she had tattoos and a wicked sense of humor. They’d go to an art exhibit together, make out on the beach, have a little bit of fun for the hell of it.

Then Holly called her and told her she might have breast cancer, and Suzy’s whole world stopped. 

Life was a blur – she took care of the cats, she went to DisneyLand, she made love to Arin, but she didn’t feel anything. Holly told her she’d made an appointment with a doctor; she went to her GP. There was nothing but radio silence for a few days, and Suzy braced herself for the worst news possible.

Then NSP did a show in San Francisco with TWRP, and Dan blurted out onstage that Holly was pregnant, and Suzy found out unwittingly through a video clip.

A phone video, filmed vertically. Sent to her by Arin, who had been scared for all of two seconds by that faint, until he got a sarcastic phone call from Brian two minutes later.

Suzy was pissed. She was pissed and knew Holly knew she was pissed, which was why when Holly asked her if she was mad at her Suzy kind of lost it.

“Why would I be mad at you?” Suzy felt herself bearing down on the wheel, squeezing it for all it was worth. “It’s not like my girlfriend didn’t clue me in on a major life change.”

Holly seemed to be startled. “I’m sorry, what? Did it occur to you that maybe I wanted to wait for the right time to tell you?” Then she crossed her arms over her chest, looking for all the world like an angry child – a gesture she quickly seemed to decide against when her forearms brushed over her breasts.

“Because announcing it at a fucking Ninja Sex Party concert was the right moment.”

Holly instantly ran for the nearest excuse she could find. “That didn’t happen on purpose. I didn’t announce it, I just… I told Dan, and he… I mean….” And Holly was crying, which instantly made Suzy feel like a villain, but she couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t keep the words from coming.

“So you tell me that you think you have breast cancer, then you just put it down to a _hormone imbalance?!”_

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Holly said. Now she was the one who was yelling.

 

“How long have you known?”

“Since the day before the concert.”

Wonderful. “And you didn’t think to tell me when you found out?”

“I didn’t know if I was keeping it,” Holly shouted. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you right away, when I didn’t even know if there was going to be a baby!”

“So you’d just get an abortion and chalk up feeling horrible to… what?! Tell me you were on your period for a month or something?”

“I was going to tell you,” Holly said. Now she was sobbing. Guilt prodded Suzy. What kind of asshole made a pregnant woman cry? “I told Dan because he’s the father, and I told Ross because he’s my husband, and I was gonna tell you when I figured it out, but fucking… Dan had to tell the whole world. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I was afraid. I fucked up. I fucked up bad, and everything is gonna change, and if you want to dump me, then dump me, but at least be up front about it.”

Holly started to ugly cry, started to rock and blubber, and her nose started to drip, and oh….“... I’m not gonna dump you,” said Suzy. The enormity of everything hit her right between the eyes out of the blue. “I’m not gonna dump you just because you’re having a baby.”

“I mean,” Holly snuffled, “you could. That’s okay. Since you got together with me with… with the expectation that it’d just be you and me, not you, me, and a baby.”

“Well, it’s not gonna be you, me, and a baby,” Suzy said. “I mean, you’re with Dan and Ross, so it’s not like I’m gonna be, like… regularly changing diapers or something.”

“Well, okay, yeah,” said Holly, and she rubbed her eyes and stared over at Suzy with a dripping nose. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to… I didn’t want you to judge me. For being so stupid. For… for doing it in the first place.”

“It’s okay,” said Suzy. Carefully, gently, she reached over and pressed her palm against the middle of Holly’s back. “I shouldn’t have been so mad at you.”

“You weren’t mad at me, were you?” Holly looked at her, eyes still red and streaming.

“I was, a little,” said Suzy. “But… I’ll get over it.” She squeezed Holly’s shoulder. “You wanna get lunch?”

“Sounds good.”

“Are you, like… able to eat much these days?” Suzy couldn’t help herself from staring. Pregnancy still freaked her out on some level. She had no real idea how to behave around Holly when she was feeling this way.

“I’m not suffering from stomach cancer,” said Holly. Her hand hovered over her stomach – over the baby – then jerked away.

“I dunno, I know morning sickness can be a problem.”

“Well, it’s not problem, just present,” said Holly. “Although it’s not present right now. Thank god.”

“That’s good,” said Suzy - and carefully, because she didn’t want to be puked on – she leaned forward and kissed Holly’s lips. And somewhere in the messy, snotty kiss Holly sobbed, and more tears flowed.

“Why are you crying, baby?”  
“I don’t _know_ ,” Holly was wailing and laughing at the same time, which would be kind of scary if it wasn’t her. “My feelings just… do this shit. I hate it, so much.”

“You’re cute,” said Suzy. She gave Holly an Eskimo kiss, holding her face. “You’re really gross right now, but you’re cute.”

Then she turned toward the wheel and pulled out of the parking lot, driving them both off to lunch.

***  
Things got better. She and Holly messed around in a dressing room, and she helped her buy maternity clothes. Holly, Dan and Ross began to prepare the house for the nursery. 

And Arin kept flinging Suzy longing looks, kept glancing at her stomach, kept asking if maybe now that they were financially settled and solvent that maybe, just maybe, they could start on a baby of their own.

She couldn’t believe him. Arin was so busy that he had a panic attack in the office, nearly had a nervous collapse over the twenty million things they were doing with the brand, and NOW he wanted a baby?

The day after they helped Holly design a new nursery out of the guest room for the baby, she and Arin had a fight. One of the worst they’d ever had. All of this spending time with Holly and Ross while Dan was away with Brian had made him sentimental. They’d been packing away toys when he asked if she’d change her birth control.

“Arin, we said we’d wait til we were in our thirties.”

“Yeah, and I’m thirty now,” he pointed out.

She winced. Yeah, that was true, but when she thought of having children now – with everything accelerating at wild speeds, with Arin always touring, writing songs or recording Grumps, and with the primal fear of childbearing still teasing the back of her mind like an awful snake’s breathing – now seemed like a terrible time to conceive. “When you’re doing Good Game and the album, maybe. Next year, when we’re less busy…”

“Are we ever going to not be busy? I just want a baby, Suzy. You know I’ve always wanted a family. A big garden of little girls with your eyes, and my smile, and your pretty as shit hair…”

“…Lily and Rose,” she said tersely. “I remember.” This had been a fantasy when she was sixteen, and when she and Arin had spent hours lying on their backs staring at the stars in Florida. It was a fantasy that seemed to have nothing to do with her current life.

Arin’s expression soured a little. “Did you change your mind about having kids?”

“What? No!” 

“Because it looks like you’re kind of freaked out. I mean, you’ve always been kinda weird about kids, but you said…”

“I’ve never been weird about kids. You’re the one who wants to tie us both down with babies at a really, really bad time.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And again – when is it gonna be a good time?”

“You don’t understand. My thyroid just settled down and the second it does you want to get me pregnant? Arin, we barely have time to wipe our noses. Do you think a baby’s going to make our lives easier?”

“I’m not thinking of easy,” Arin said. “Life isn’t easy. We’re not in this existence for easy choices – nobody is.”

“Could you please stop trying to give me platitudes?” she snapped. “I’m not ready yet!”

It only got worse from there. He wheedled. She yelled, he screamed. He got in the car and drove off with her sobbing in the living room.

She pulled out her phone and through blurry mascara texted Holly.

*** 

After a long night and a Grump session apart, he apologized with an omelet and a kiss. 

“I’m sorry for pushing,” he said.

“I’m sorry for being so mean,” she said.

They settled into an uneasy truce. She could still smell Arin’s thirst from across the room whenever they were all together, and she still felt a little uncomfortable whenever he and Holly had an encounter, but it was easier to deal with than sitting alone in her room at home. 

Time sped by. She took Sarah out on multiple dates, and the two of them made out a showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Holly grew more and more visibly pregnant, and the nursery took shape around them. Arin’s crush on Holly escalated to eating her out one night (“Now I know why you like fucking her so much!”). The mental image was incredibly hot, of course. Which was why she stated mentally planning a threesome for all of them. 

Suzy helped Holly shop for wedding rings, and didn’t feel quite as jealous as she usually did. Dan and Holly went off for a three day weekend and got married in Dan’s faith in his parent’s shul, and when they came back NSP released “Yummy Mummy,” whose title was self-explanatory. Holly circumvented the controversy by coming out as poly. 

She left Suzy out of the announcement, at Suzy’s request. 

She was getting more and more comfortable with her queer side, but that was a step for another day.

On a Saturday night, Holly – nearly nine months pregnant, with severe back pain – arrived at Arin and Suzy’s house. Somehow they stumbled their way into a threesome from that pre-arranged point, and somehow the sex was amazing. But Arin managed to make a couple of wistful remarks about Holly, which set Suzy’s hackles up. Holly left the room. Suzy was left staring at her tail lights, and the second she knew they were alone, she turned on Arin.

“I don’t fucking believe you,” Suzy snapped. 

“Look, it’s hard for me,” Arin said. “She’s just so…you know, she’s so fucking great and she’s so beautiful when she’s pregnant and…”

“Arin. Why. Can’t you get it through your thick skull?” She snapped. “I want to wait!”

“It’s through my thick skull, okay? But that doesn’t stop me from wanting and wishing.”

“Then you can want and wish all by yourself,” Suzy snapped. “I’m going to go to Holly’s place!”

“But she can’t be home yet!”

“Then I’ll see if I can catch her on the road!”

**** 

Suzy failed to catch Holly. In fact, thanks to LA traffic, she got to her house fifteen minutes after Holly had gone to bed.

She found Dan there instead, freshly home from some business with Brian, and settled down beside him on the couch to wait for Holly to wake up.

The rest was memory, embarrassment, and the worst sex she’d ever had in her entire life.

*** 

Things were easier between them after that. Dan’s nervousness about fatherhood and his tenderness toward Holly caused a crack to form in the coldness she’d developed and worn around her like a shielding blanket.

Maybe he wasn’t her enemy after all.

***  
She staggered home to Arin, to the cats, and he glanced up at her from his phone, confused by the sight of her.

She didn’t bother to shower before climbing into bed. “So did you and Dan?” she’d had the grace to text him before acting on her lust.

“Yes.”

“Was it…”

“Terrible.”

Silence. “What…?”

“He called me Holly’s name.”

“Oh,” Arin mused. Then, wrapping an arm around her, he said, “at least he didn’t call you my name.”

She couldn’t stop herself from laughing. 

Arin sent her three black velvet crocuses and black roses to her office the next day. When she opened her door to find him standing there with tears in his eyes, she let him fall into her arms and held him. 

*** 

Four hours later, she found herself standing beside Holly’s bed as she labored. Or rather, paced.

“Are you sure this is healthy?” she whispered sotto to Dan as Holly made another round of the room.

“She says it is,” he said frantically. “I don’t know – I read a lot of books – maybe it is? I can’t get her to sit down for long enough.” The help me in his voice was implicit.

Holly paused in her circuit of the room to clutch her back and moan, and Suzy, Arin, Ross and Dan all lunged toward her at the same time.

“Remember this for a skit,” she told them, when they maneuvered her into a chair.

Time mashed together. Suzy was holding Arin’s hand when the baby was born – a girl - a red-faced, enormous, squalling infant with Dan’s hair and Holly’s clear gaze. It was less horrifying than it had seemed with her brother’s children.

The doctor confirmed Suzy’s assessment.

“I like girls,” Holly said, her smile crooked. “Her name is Wren,” she said decisively. 

Then she passed out. Suzy heard Dan make a hysterical sound before he slumped toward the floor, reaching out for his wife.

Brian was the one who followed the nurses to the warming bed with the baby while Ross stood paralyzed beside him. “I’ve got this,” he said.

She was glad one of them did.

*** 

Many people tried to get Suzy to hold the baby after that, but she was reluctant. Dan held her almost constantly, staring down into her little face, a look of love and terror dancing in his eyes. Ross held her with the expertise his nephews had bestowed him with. Arin held her awkwardly, then confidently, and she was always as comforted as Suzy had been by his size and bulk. Holly held her with the shell-shocked look of a war veteran.

But Suzy kept her distance until Dan showed up on her doorstep in the middle of the night.

“Holly isn’t sleeping, and Wren won’t stop crying. Can you come over?”

She knew what it cost, for him to ask that.

When she got there, the baby had quieted down, but Holly was a messy disaster. She squinted at Suzy through bleary eyes when she told her she was ripe, and then handed over the baby. And her tiny body automatically curled against Suzy’s breast, seeking comfort and warmth.

It was…not as repulsive as she imagined. Suzy had no idea she’d said tht out loud until Holly laughed at her statement, then stripped down. Wren began to fuss, and Suzy shrugged, got naked, and got into the shower with Holly.

She transferred the baby to Holly’s chest when she got there, and Wren immediately, voluminously, peed on her.

And even though it was gross, even though it was a little weird, it was beautiful. It was a moment filled with love, with tenderness.

It was the kind of thing that bonded you for the rest of your life with your lover.

*** 

“Mm. Your boobs are like…rocking.”

Holly bit back a laugh, lying across her bunk of the travel bus. The two of them had the entire place to themselves; inside, Dan, Arin and Brian were doing yet another NSP gig. The was the sixth date of the tour, and Suzy was getting used to being one of the tribe, to the constant motion and the tension of travel. “My tits thank you,” she said, and jiggled their enhanced weight like a go-go dancer, hard to do when they were lying down.

“Ugh, it’s not fair. It’s been months since we’ve messed around,” Suzy said.

“Is that all you missed about me?” Holly pouted. Her oversized sweater was rising up above her head, and she was setting aside her glasses. 

Suzy seriously shook her head. “No. There’s…there’s so much more I missed about you. The way you laugh. The way you look at me. What it’s like to look across the table and see your face. A million things.” 

Holly’s eyes gentled, softened. She smiled. “I missed you, too. Not just for this. I…” She shook her head. “You know.”

Suzy knew, though the words would probably clog Holly’s tongue for a long time. She knew it was hard for her, to say the words. “I love you, Holly.”

Holly grinned, and reached up for Suzy. Over their heads, the stars danced like ghosts. The two of them had to share – and sometimes it was a hard thing to do – but in the end it was worth it.

In the end, they had one another.


End file.
